five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
as a side note pls kill me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
