Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
