question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
