The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
