pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
