Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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