i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is Oprah even human
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
