I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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