I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
