I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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