btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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