My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
