Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
