Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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