I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
