anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
