So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
