3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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