you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We're too hungover to prance.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
