She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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