Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
