Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
