Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
