I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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