i jhust puked up my retainher.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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