Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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