Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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