I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
