I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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