The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Vodka?
Forever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
