Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
