Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
