I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
