so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
