My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
