no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
