Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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