In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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