My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
