I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
