I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
