My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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