Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
sarcasm needs its own font
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
