fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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