I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
