yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
