I am in a vortex of obligation.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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