dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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