cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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