The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
