Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
