It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
