Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
