I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Randomize
