Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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