i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can I color on your dick again?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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