someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
