Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
