Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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