just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
