She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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