Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your cock deserves a montage
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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